ANGER

MAD SAD GLAD n SCARED

 I began a new training concept. I had been inactive for three years. I made the decision to get back in shape and compete again. I was completely miserable and felt this would help me regain " happiness" I had felt before this low period. I made a few unsuccessful stops before finding Medina's Fight School. When I did, my friend welcomed me with open arms. Reminding me of our long history and the appreciation for helping each other out of dark times. I started training with his highly skilled students and I was in bad shape. I made a deal with the PANCRASE to fight in eight weeks. Brilliant, I will just stay in Japan after this and avoid jail all together. I called Ken and scheduled twice a week with him for the technical skills, Nate three days a week for my strength and cardio, which turned out to be the Origional Crossfit. Then I would use the Fight School for my sparring three times a week. I was staying at the FS. Consuming my thoughts again with fighting. I got outta bed, the leather sofa in the office, bright and early. Clean the place up real fast then hike across town to my Huntington House to check shit out and be back just in time for noon sparring. About a three hour march. This was my warm up for the sparring. After the Island Boy slammed my ass to the mat the week before, I felt I needed to step up the intensity. I began to fast every morning until after the noon workouts, this seemed to be just what I needed. I was so Angry. This gave me an incredible edge to compete, but, also it gave me an insight to my true inner me, my feelings. Anger. This is what I was really fighting. A huge, ugly fuckin' monster. Talk about fear, feared it to death. Beneath the anger was fear. The hope of food was giving me good feelings to balance my bad feelings. But, now the balance was off. I needed to find the Way to deal with it. Psychologically, that sort of thing is spoken of a lot today. Especially in regard to people who have much pain in their lives. We would say they " medicate" their pain with food. They anesthetize themselves to the hurt inside by eating. But, this is not some rare, technical syndrome. ALL of us do it. EVERYBODY. No exceptions. We all ease our discomfort using food simply and cover our unhappiness by setting our eyes on dinner time. Fasting exposes all of us - our pain, our Pride, our Anger. Fast for 24 hours and your true character will be revealed to your self. Either you will fight or submit. If Anger controls us, it will be revealed almost immediately. *John Piper, A Hunger for God; Desiring God through fasting and prayer. 1997 --------------------------------------- What's up Todd?, Here is another installment to my Memoirs. Please file it with the others. Anyway, I hope all is well with you. Everything is good, as good as it can be, in here. I began working out harder this week. Scaring everybody but my training partner, lol. He is a tough athletic kid. He is really talented physically. I like him. It makes me work hard to keep up. It pushes me. Write back when you get time. Stay strong. Spirit. Soul. Body. Your friend, John